Time away from forums

[Jynx]

Mm makes sense @creative_writer - and in my experience, we only tend to begin processing our stuff when we're ready to, so maybe you're just more 'ready' now? I mean, even if we're ready in our inner world though, doesn't mean it's going to be good timing in relation to the rest of what's going on in our lives 😅

Ooh I like that... like there's a joy to be found within a sense of calm. I have always felt like joy and contentment were related... like they're the same emotion, one is just higher energy. How have the videos and breathwork been working out for you so far tonight?

[creative_writer]

@Jynx it’s hard juggling the processing on placement at times.

I’ve been able to do breath work but can’t seem to tolerate binaural soundtracks. It’s hard but the peak has passed. It probably just my cptsd symptoms flaring up. It’s hard not to think about what has happened, how it still affects me and how it may affect my future

[Jynx]

@creative_writer for sure hun, it's a lot! I've always felt the universe had a rather ironic sense of timing 😂

Huh that's interesting, I wonder why the binaural sounds don't work for you... Shrug! Could be all sorts of reasons, humans are funny like that. Glad the breathwork is helpful though! I've always found so too. 

Aye, it's natural to have some trepidation and concern about the impacts. I try to also remind myself that even if it does all go wrong, I will still find my way through it, as I have before. But honestly, I think you're gonna be okay. Every day you're developing new approaches, honing your regulatory skills, and learning about how your work will interplay with your recovery. You could look at it as just being like an 'info-gathering phase' or something, which will hopefully help you map out your next steps after graduation for both career and for recovery. Just a thought 😉

[creative_writer]

@Jynx binaural music was working before but today it’s been irritating me, like it gets on my nerves. Totally different responses to previous attempts, it’s weird. The other day I had body flashbacks triggered from a mindfulness activity, I don’t think that ever happened before. Human minds and body is confusing, sometimes something make work other times it sets you off.

Trauma naturally affects your personal and professional life. I’ve had a lot of thoughts about personal impacts, I was talking to my psych about how I felt repulsed by sex and was not sure whether I wanted to be in a relationship. My psych has worked with other clients and healthy sexual intimacy is often part of a healthy romantic relationship. I just fear romantic relationships aren’t for me, I know it can be different for everyone, but most guys will probably want more than I feel comfortable giving. I cant even begin to explain how I feel with my parents. I feel like a lost cause, I don’t want others to waste their time

[Jynx]

@creative_writer always a bit of a roll of the dice eh? I hope the binaural sounds regain their effectiveness soon! 

Would it encourage you to know that I have now been in a relationship with one of my partners for over two years, and we've had sex so little that I can count it on one hand? Or that one of my other partners and I were 'on again, off again' with our sexual relationship, and are quite content no longer including it going forward?

Don't ever let the media, your family, or anyone else, tell you that there's only one acceptable way to be in an intimate relationship. Queerplatonic relationships exist, I'm in several of them, and they are fulfilling, mutual, and perfectly satisfying without us having to adhere to anyone else's idea of what an intimate relationship is.

This is also why I find Relationship Anarchy (short intro here if you're curious, and a bit more info here) to be such a big part of my value system. Basically it's the idea that the ONLY two people who get to define a relationship are the people in it. It's also my way of getting as far away from toxic monogamy culture* as I can. I really detest the idea that we need to hierarchically label people, like 'this person is my partner, they are obliged to fulfill all of my social, emotional and sexual needs. But this person is JUST a friend, so they're not as important and I should prioritise them less." It's such BS too because it sets up this idea that a romantic partner should somehow be able to fulfill all our needs, but no single person can do that. Which to me is one of the factors that paves the way for emotional abuse - this idea that 'you complete me' or 'I only need you'. 

*This is toxic monogamy culture:

Okay... rant over 😅 Sorry, I just... this was my wound too. I never ever thought anyone would be able to love me, or give me what I need in a relationship. Now I have several someones who do, and I know you will someday too. That's not to say that you need to practice relationship anarchy yourself if it doesn't resonate, nor am I saying that you need to be non-manogamous! Just looking to inspire some hope 💜

[creative_writer]

@Jynx maybe I just felt overwhelmed by my psych’s point of view. I suppose she’s worked with people where intimacy was an issue and cause strain in relationships. But the way she described relationships made it feel like an obligation and I don’t like feeling obliged to give more than I can.

I also agree one person cannot fulfill your needs, which is why you need a number of people in your life. Even if one was to be in a monogamous romantic relationship, a person may need family, friends, community and colleagues etc in their life. You also need to work on your own relationship with yourself and embrace your own spirituality (which could be religious or non-religious)

[creative_writer]

I feel like I’ve wasted so much time being sick physically and with bipolar, social anxiety and cptsd. I may not have an official ADHD diagnosis but have symptoms and probably fit the criteria according to my pdoc and psych, so it’s hard to concentrate and get things done too. I’m also on the spectrum, so I’ve always had sensitivities too. I see other people have achieved way more than I have. I feel if things had been different, I would’ve performed better and may have been able to keep a job while studying. I have had times where I could barely manage uni coursework load

[creative_writer]

I hate that my brain tries to define myself by what I have experienced. It blames me for how I couldn’t save myself and I can’t help but think I’m a ****. I know it’s not logical but brain is ignoring rationality right now. I just hate how I keep cycling back to this even though I try to get out of this spiral

[tyme]

I wonder if you are actively 'trying too hard' to rid yourself of the thoughts and in turn end up thinking about them more? This was something my psych pointed out about me and my thinking patterns @creative_writer 

[creative_writer]

@tyme maybe that is what it is, I don’t know. I just know I want to wash off this shame but can’t seem to get it off. It’s very hard to sit with