when is it time for hospital

[Former-Member]

I shouldn't tell you what to do @outlander, but I think the 1st two options have a lot of merit. The biggest reason is getting you the help you need. If you don't take care of you, you might not be able to keep up all your responsibilities.
What do you think after writing up the list, does one option seem better than the others?

[outlander]

i should be in hospital and i should be at the retreat but i cant @Former-Member even the benefits of it arent enough. im really sick of arguing and my mother calling me a psychopath isnt helping me either

[outlander]

My mum won't even look or speak to me
I really am a disgrace 😞

[Former-Member]

Gosh it places you in a tough position. Having your mum not being supportive and with so much going on while you're unwell. I wish I could say to you, stuff them, put yourself first, but I know it's not that easy....

[Former-Member]

You're NOT a disgrace!!!!
Not at all, I've been so impressed at how mature and responsible you are, taking care of everyone as well as yourself.
You are someone to be proud of.

[CherryBomb]

Parents can be so harsh. Unfortunately, sometimes they can't give you the support that you need and deserve. It doesn't mean that you are less of a person.  Please don't take on board what your mum is saying. You are not a disgrace. You are handling things exceptionally. 

[Queenie]

Wow you've got a lot going on @outlander! Personally I think personally, you should not be expected to struggle on the same as you've been doing. Trying to live up to your family's expectations (and trying not to be a "psychopath") will just add more and more stress to your life and leave you feeling more and more depressed. You need help, and, as @Phoenix_Rising has pointed out, it is 4 weeks they have to cope without you. If you were to complete suicide, they would have to cope for a lifetime. 

[outlander]

i do though @CherryBomb@Former-Member @Queenie

i feel like a total and utter disgrace

how can my own mother hate me

and do you kow what else she said? i dont do anything through the day except sit around th hosue

ummmm- hmm how about me fully cleaning the house daily, shopping, looking after pop, caring for the horse and with one being sick well im there three times a day inclduing later afternoon when its freezing

i dont know how im a psychopath, ive been struggling so much how can she not see it either. i even told her that of a night i spend half the time making sure my sisters are breathing becasue im that paranoid about everyone being ok- and thats the truth

[Former-Member]

Thanks for opening up outlander

I share a similar story to you,can relate to family responsibilities and to me there was/is a lack of respect for me and my life which led to my battle and f***** up life with depression and anxiety which have left me empty, worthless,and a mountain of hopelessness.

Outlander I made many sacrifices,at the end of the day it got me nowhere.It wasn't until I had my breakdown like your realisation today that made me realise I need to look after myself.The responsibility got too much for me and most of the time I got kicked in the teeth.My mother made me out to be a psychopath with my sister,shamed me all because what they expected of me I for once said no to.I now have no life,my mother who I love I'm the main carer for but the hurt of what happened many years ago will never go away.Im sure your Pop will be ok too without you for a few weeks.

I understand your dilemma ,I always had animals I loved, couldn't stand being away from for a day,as for your mother and sisters,the break will probably do you both good.Your decision.YOUR LIFE.Dont end up like me many years down the track.Im sure you have many attributes.

[Phoenix_Rising]

Hi @outlander

My family were a very toxic influence in my life. It was a relief when my mum died. There, I said it. It was a HUGE relief. When I got the call from the hospital to say I had to come immediately as my mum had had a stroke, I remember thinking "finally, it is happening. Finally, I will be free." I cruised down the highway, and stopped off for MacDonald's on the way. No tears, no grief, no distress, just immense relief.

Not all parents are great parents. It's a societial myth. Society likes to THINK that all parents love and value their kids, but the truth is they don't. I have no idea whether your mum loves you or not, but I do know that what she thinks of you is no reflection of who you are.

I do not understand the concept of feeling the need to stay with toxic family simply because they are family. Take care of yourself @outlander. It sounds like nobody else is going to do it for you and that really really really REALLY sucks. It's not ok. Your mum SHOULD be there for you. But if she isn't, then take care of yourself.