when is it time for hospital

[Queenie]

Hey @outlander, your Mum's "psychopath" comments, reminds me of an artwork I did some time ago.

[outlander]

I cant see you art yet @Queeniebut looking forward to seeing it
im not really a psychopath am I?

@Former-MemberI find it easier to open up here and you have just proved the point of people actually understand on here, just as you have shown me

I already have those feelings and at the moment my way out of it is suicide- though im trying to get the help that I need. I wouldnt want my sister to take on any other responsibilities. I doubt she would have to but theres always that chance. I think im having my mental breakdown now and if this isnt it I woudlnt want to be anywhere near me when I do.
I know its my decsion but my decision will affect everyone else in the hosue and im trying to do the right thing as well as being tossed up that I know what is hould be doing. I do love my animals but even at this point I dont like them and thats saying tsomething. I havent been to the point of not even wanting to be near my horses. And nope I dont have many attributes at all except being a psychopath and lazy apparently.

@Phoenix_Risingim sticking around as im carer for pop and when my sisters and mum and her bf moce out itll be easier for me as well. Plus I cant afford to move into my own house and actually live a life. I feel the need to stay because I think im protecting my sisters from ahving the life ive had by not havign the piles of repsonsibilites ive etc.

[Phoenix_Rising]

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@Phoenix_Risingim sticking around as im carer for pop and when my sisters and mum and her bf moce out itll be easier for me as well. I feel the need to stay because I think im protecting my sisters from ahving the life ive had by not havign the piles of repsonsibilites ive etc.

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@outlander I wonder if it would be helpful to print out what you have just written here and stick it on the wall of your bedroom. I know the urge to suicide is super strong for you right now, but in your own words, you seem to have just stated very clearly why it is important to you, to keep living despite how incredibly difficult that is at the moment.

[outlander]

yeah i wish i didnt have those thoughts there at all it would make going so much easier @Phoenix_Rising

[outlander]

@CherryBomb this has really got me worked up 😞

i dont know whats worse being ignorned or being called a psychopath for asking for help 😞

[CheerBear]

Hi there @outlander. There's so much going on for you at the moment. I was going to write pretty much what @Phoenix_Rising has said above. They seem like fairly important reasons you've found for staying around.

I understand how hard it can be for living to feel so difficult and I wonder if part of that might be feeling completely burnt out by all the responsibilities you have and demands that are on you all the time? If so, I wonder then whether taking a break from them will give you a chance to recharge like it did me. How long until your sisters, mum and pop move out? As you mentioned, things will probably get easier once that happens.

I'm glad that your psychiatrist mentioned the impact a sudden changes to your medications may be having as you are now able to address that and hopefully that too will help.

Thinking of you Outlander.

[Phoenix_Rising]

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@outlander wrote:

yeah i wish i didnt have those thoughts there at all it would make going so much easier @Phoenix_Rising

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I hear you @outlander. I feel so sad for you that your mum doesn't get how much you are struggling. It's not ok to be ignored OR called a psychopath for seeking help. I know how much it super hurts to have a family that doesn't "get" it. It is twenty years since I was going through similar cr*p with my family and I still remember all those horrible things that were said. It pains me to know that you too, will always remember them. But it won't always hurt as much as it does right now. I know how empty and unhelpful that sounds. I can remember being your age and having older people tell me that things would get better. It didn't really help me to hear it, and thus I doubt it will really help you either. But it really is true. You even said yourself that once your mum and her bf move out, that will help. Hopefully that isn't TOO far in the future.

[outlander]

I am completely burnt out @CheerBear
It could be ages before they move out. I cant even give a time line. It would be good to say on few weeks they will be gone but thats not the case. Im almost thinking about moving out myself but i cant afford it on my own atm

Ive already tapperred to fast i cant do anything about it now except to start a low dose of this new med. She said i need to watch out for seratonin syndrome. If any of that starts showing get to hospital asap no questions and no hesitations. She couldnt stress that enough.

[outlander]

@Phoenix_Rising

I told her how bad it is. I told her about the meds the retreat or hospital. Im trying to make everything with for everyone. I hope sonething improves.

Earlier today i was talking to a family friend and they said to me "your not doing yourself any good and your not helping yourself either" i said how am i not helping myself " snd she replied "just because your going to appointments doesnt mean yout helping yourself. Your never going to get better. I think you dhould go to the retreat though"

[Former-Member]

Understand outlander

I have the same strong feelings concerning suicide have that awful"my time is running out"or "I have no more lifelines left" or the realisation that I am saving a life that isn't worth saving.

You are putting too much on yourself,like I have and the fact is you are cracking like a egg,you can't stop things happening to your sisters,your protection of them is great but you are trying to control something that is impossible or inevitable,bit like when you are getting a stone out of your horses hoof and he or she is leaning their weight on you.There is only so long you can stand the weight.You do have attributes,like your caring and nurturing role We always seek approval from our family I did for so long and I allowed them power over me.At the end of the day outlander, it's what you think of you that counts.