Wow you've got a lot going on @outlander! Personally I think personally, you should not be expected to struggle on the same as you've been doing. Trying to live up to your family's expectations (and trying not to be a "psychopath") will just add more and more stress to your life and leave you feeling more and more depressed. You need help, and, as @Phoenix_Rising has pointed out, it is 4 weeks they have to cope without you. If you were to complete suicide, they would have to cope for a lifetime.