Battles

[MJG017]

@Dreamy 

I know it's hard and it's scary.  When I feel like i'm so close to giving up, I look to the person who gives me strength to keep going.  The person who, if not for them, may have given up already.  I think of them and take strength from them to keep me going.  You've fought so long and so hard, there must some something, or someone that has kept you going.  So block out everything else on focus on that, or them, and let that guide you through the darkest moments.  Sometimes fighting for ourselves isn't enough, and we fight on for someone else instead. 

@tyme 

Obviously I can't say what the healthy conversation from Dreamy's point of view is, but from mine, it's just someone to listen and to care, and to be there with me in that moment.  In the most difficult and darkest of times, and knowing there is nothing anyone can say, or do, to help... that's what matters to me.  It sounds simple, but it can be damn hard to find, especially when you're struggling so much.

[Jynx]

Hi @Dreamy how you going? Can chat IFS/parts stuff if you're feeling up to it this evening? 

@MJG017 1000% agree!! My psych once said to me "Most of the time, people don't need help. They need love." And that has stuck with me. Sometimes it goes a long way to just know we're not alone in the darkness ay. 

Hope you're going okay my friend?

[Dreamy]

Hi @Jynx. I'm really not I'm a good way 😞.

How are you going? 

[Jynx]

@Dreamy noooooo 

I gotchu hun. Discuss or distract you reckon? Or some secret third option....

I'm alright, got that whole 'impending doom' vibe cos I have too many adulting tasks in my backlog and I'm not sure which one will explode first. Ahhh #ADHDlyf 🙃

[Dreamy]

@Jynx I'm really not sure. It's been over 48 hours of constant thoughts of suicide that i just can't shake, like it's not just thoughts it's visions of seeing it aswell. I'm exhausted and tired of fighting myself. 

I feel that, I'm facing that whole homeless situation again cos of an unpaid water bill and then there's another one due and I just can't cover it. So I've been served with a form that if it's not paid by a certain date then I have to vacate the premises. Why does adulting have to be so hard. Ugh it's all too much effort. 

[Dreamy]

@MJG017 I'm sorry i haven't replied to you. I've distanced myself from everything right now. Just really struggling and I'm very close to just giving everything up and calling it quits. 

[Jynx]

@Dreamy that's a scary point to get to hun, how worried are you at this point about your safety? 

It angers me greatly that there's no mercy in bureacracy. Where is the forgiveness, the compassion, and the understanding of nuance? Erased by greed.

You do not deserve this. 

Whew, okay we'll put the rest of that angery-rant-time into my back pockie, no need for it right now. Are you home at the moment hun? What you up to? 

[rav3n]

hey @Dreamy sending you lots of warm hugs 💜

sounds incredibly exhausting to keep fighting those thoughts. i'm sending you an energy re-charge pack, you matter to us heaps and we want you here. sitting with you 💜

[Dreamy]

@Jynx honest answer is very cos this is the exact point I was at with previous attempts, well actually worse cos plans hadn't been made previously. 

I just hate that I'm in this position, like a few years ago things were easier financially and now I'm just completely screwed and it's getting worse by the day. 

I'm home and I'm attempting to do a puzzle but brain is just a mess and I keep losing my sh!t at myself. 

[Dreamy]

Thanks heaps @rav3n ❤️.