I can’t cope

[Captain24]

It’s sleep related @tyme. It could just be the lack of sleep and the stress or just a trauma response. I’m hoping I don’t head into hypomania. 

Hopefully I can talk to my Pdoc tomorrow. She might help me work things out.

[tyme]

I hope things get better for you. Well done on even thinking about reaching out @Captain24 . I know this is not easy for you. 

Hang in there my friend. Hugs.

[Eve7]

Sending lots of loving support to you @Captain24 and I love those words you posted. They are all true.

[Captain24]

Thank you @Eve7 that means so much. I’ve got more words now. 

How are you going now you are home? 

[Jynx]

Howdy @Captain24 dearest! Just popping in to say hello. Been having a read through and catching up on the latest - sounds like quite an emotional rollercoaster! Have some huggles first up! Most important, obviously: 

🫂🫂🫂

I also just wanted to share some thoughts on this:

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@Captain24 wrote:

I just get scared that I get too difficult and you would want to give up.

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I don't think you could ever be 'too difficult' darlin. No such thing in my books (and any mental health professional who uses these terms to describe a client really ought to examine their values and perspectives!), it all just comes back to limits in the scope of a service. Like, you know SANE isn't a crisis service - this isn't because we think people in crisis are too difficult to deal with, it's because we can't offer sufficient support to folks who really need a person there with them.

E.g. It's nothing to do the idea of, 'Hmm nah, too hard basket, I can't be bothered with this person they're too difficult', and everything to do with 'Oh gosh, I am so concerned for this person, I wish I could do more to help but they deserve more support than what I can give them.' Something to keep in mind any time you're feeling like you're being a burden to us - cos you're not! We'd much rather you coming here to reach out and connect than to bury all your feelings for fear of making our day 'difficult'. Cos the impact you have is far, FAR less than your brain is telling you! 

Anyway, Jynx rant concluded, regular conversation mode activated! 😝

See any cool critters on your walk today? 👀

[Eve7]

I think of you often @Captain24 

I had a very busy weekend with a 21st and a few other social engagements so paying for it today. Hopefully into bed early tonight.

[Captain24]

Thanks @Eve7.

I think of you too, I’m just not very good at getting around other threads at the moment. It’s not personal is just only doing what I can handle. 

A busy social weekend is a lot. I hope you can get an early night and are able to sleep and recover. 

[Captain24]

Hey @Jynx 

How you doin?? 

Definitely a roller coaster. It was today too. I’ve gone from crying to laughing and back again. I’m hoping to see my Pdoc tomorrow and get some help with sleeping. Plus I have a lot to go through. 

I actually told the facilitator today that I’m scared I’ll get kicked out because I’m being to difficult. That they will discover that I’m too broken and can’t be helped.
 She has been awesome. She thinks that I’m coping ok in the stage that I’m in so I just have to convince my Pdoc that I shouldn’t drop back to stage one. 

I see what you are saying about being difficult. It’s what my mind is telling me. I know thoughts are just thoughts not facts but it’s hard for me to tell myself that.

I didn’t get to go for a walk today. I did a

lot of walking up until Saturday but my calves have gone into spasm and I can barely walk. I do have a massage booked in on Wednesday though. 

How have you been

[Jynx]

@Captain24 I'm pretty good thanks hun! I have a purring kitty on my lap at the moment (which is making typing difficult but... well rules are rules, no disturbing sleeping kitties!) so can't complain!  Aww that makes me think of your little fuzzballs, you must miss them terribly. Are they with a pet sitter or your folks looking after them? 

Hopefully all too soon, you'll only be crying from the laughter hehe. But yeah I can totally imagine there to be a lot of very emotional moments while you're there, which can be totally exhausting, but also means you're expressing and getting em out rather than bottling em up, so kudos for that! 

Proud of you for vocalising your fears too darlin' - another very challenging thing to do. Sounds like there's a good bunch of people around you. 

Hmm maybe another lil note to put up in your room? Something like, 'I am not my thoughts, and they do not always reflect the truth. I know they are just trying to protect me in their own way, but that doesn't mean I have to listen to them.' I like visual reminders, maybe it'd work for you too! 

Oh ouch, you got lots of lactic acid built up eh? I get DOMS all the time. Lots of stretches tend to help!!

[Captain24]

That’s good @Jynx. Im glad you are doin well. Yea definitely don’t wake the kitty. 

I am missing mine terribly but I'm getting regular photos. Which is good but telling me how much the dogs love them and will want to stay with them is getting a bit much. Yes I have a house sitter. 

I was sitting out in the corridor because I didn’t want to be alone in my room. Sitting on the lounge out there and then another girl came and sat with me. We were laughing and talking and another lady came out and had a go at us, we should be somewhere else laughing not outside her room as she was meditating. 

I felt like I was in trouble. I just said I’ll going into my room on my own and not talk to anyone then. Nec minute there’s a knock on my door. I thought it was the nurse checking in… nope it was my Pdoc. So I told her what had just happened and as I was there was another knock on my door. It was my friend that I was talking with. The doctor answered the door and just said that I’ll be out soon. The dr was so happy that I was talking and laughing! 

The dr said that I just had the response that she would expect from me. I should have stood up for myself as I didn’t do anything wrong. She told me that it’s ok to do the wrong thing as it can be fun and exciting. Apparently I’m parliament every thing is written on some thing 🤷 She did say what it was called but I can’t remember. But it says DR…… has gone rouge! She is proud of it!