Riding a wave

[BlueBay]

Thinking of you @Phoenix-Rising xxxooo

[Zoe7]

@Phoenix_Rising I have taken up my usual position on top of my rock stack little turtle - keep riding...

[Shaz51]

@Phoenix_Rising I'm here with you tooo

[Phoenix_Rising]

@CherryBomb I am home. Would it be ok if I talk out my muddle in response to the email I see you sent me? I'm so tired. I simply can't bounce back this time. I don't see how I'm ever going to bounce back again. Just look at my neurofeedback thread and all the hope I had there. How do I ever bounce back from having that hope smashed? How do I do that??? Especially with a therapist who may as well be speaking Swahili given how little we are able to communicate. I don't know how to do this anymore.

Thank you for being nearby @Shaz51 @Zoe7 @BlueBay

[CherryBomb]

Hi @Phoenix_Rising,

Sure, you can talk out. I'm all ears, and I'm sure @Shaz51 @Zoe7 and @BlueBay are all ears too.

All that stuff with neurofeedback sounded utterly disappointing, and distressing. So it might take more time to bounce back than usual. I wish had some answers about how to bounce back, but I know that you can, as you have done so many times before. 

[Shaz51]

yes @Phoenix_Rising  you can talk out. I'm all ears, , here you you

[Zoe7]

It doesn't really seem right that I 'liked' that last post so I am replacing it with these instead @Phoenix_Rising

  

[Phoenix_Rising]

@Zoe7 I super love the lifejacket and floaties. That is just what I need.

I feel much calmer now after talking out my muddle in a ridiculously long email to @CherryBomb. I don't think it would have worked so well writing that stuff here - I needed to talk about suicide stuff in a little more detail than is helpful (or even allowable) here in Forum Land. But it is all out now and I feel better for it. It's gone wizzing its way to CherryBomb so now she can have it and it isn't in my brain anymore!

@CherryBomb the email is ridiculously long so I will totally understand if you don't get to look at it tonight...or ever. I think I will probably show it to (A) on Monday. Just the act of writing it out and sending it away super helped.

Thank you @Zoe7 @Shaz51 and @BlueBay for caring about me. I really don't like tagging people when I'm in a muddle because I don't want anyone to feel obliged to respond. There's nothing to say and nothing to be done, I just need to keep swimming. I think I'm going to fall into bed very soon. Once again I have worn myself out with lots of crying, rocking, stimming. Yay for post meltdown exhaustion. Night all. I am going to snuggle in my shell knowing that I am not alone.

[Zoe7]

Nighty night little turtle @Phoenix_Rising

(ps: you can tag me anytime when you are in a muddle - I seem to mysteriously turn up on the rocks anyway )

[CherryBomb]

Got your email @Phoenix_Rising - had a quick read over, but will read over it in more depth when things settle. 

I'm glad it gave you away to get things out of your mind. 

Rest easy tonight, friend.