Riding a wave

[Zoe7]

This one looks like how I feel @Phoenix_Rising... not quite making it past the rocks but will have a rest and try again later...

[Phoenix_Rising]

Good night all. I feel horribly all-at-sea, but that's ok. I'm in such a pickle. I have no desire to engage in conversation with anyone...and yet I super like it that I can see all my gifts on the shore. Super big thank you for understanding that I want to feel connected...but in a non-talking kind-of a way.

I super like this picture. It makes me feel calm and safe knowing that @NikNik, @CherryBomb or some other @Former-Member is watching over the ocean as I fall asleep safely snuggled in my shell. Night.

[outlander]

good night sleep well little turtle @Phoenix_Rising

i quite like that picture too

[Former-Member]

Hi @Phoenix_Rising,

I really like that picture too

I'm swimming around today in the lovely warm water checking out all the beautiful coral that is around (I'm secretly hoping for a nemo and dory sighting today ). Feel welcome to join me on my adventures today if you like

[Phoenix_Rising]

@Former-Member I think I just might join you today. I am super struggling with giant grief feelings over my uni counsellor and I have been crying A LOT. I miss her SO much. As I was telling @Zoe7 earlier, even though my psychologist (A) is super nice, we are simply on entirely different wavelengths, whereas my uni counsellor and I just...worked. I think @Zoe7 articulated it nicely when she said that as an Aspie it makes a lot of sense that I can't connect with my lovely-but-a-bit-of-an-air-head psychologist. The uni counsellor was definitely a LOT like me. We talked often about how in a different time and place, we could have been friends. In contrast, (A) and I seem to have a bit of a Mars and Venus thing happening - we simply cannot understand each other. I know she is trying super hard and I know the mere fact that she is hanging in there is a bonus...but I have zero hope that she can actually help me...and I don't have it in me to try for therapist-take-eleven. Thus I am flooded both with grief over the loss of the uni counsellor as a person, and also grief over the loss of her as someone who could genuinely help me. So yep, let's go exploring together to distract from the giant feelings.

[Former-Member]

Sounds good to me @Phoenix_Rising..it will be a fun adventure by the looks to your picture!! Lots of beautiful colours and pretty looking fish

Sorry to hear that there are alot of giant feelings floating around today. I hear you when you say you feel as though you dont have that same connection with A as you did with your uni counsellor. It's always hard saying goodbye to a counsellor that you have that good connection with..I think some people are just able to click really well and moving on from that is difficult, as you know all to well. I am glad that you were able to have that experience with her though...sometimes its nice to know that there are people that we click with and to know it is possible. I understand the frustration in not being able to find that again just yet though, despite A's efforts.

I really do hear you in this and am swimming with you today.

I found Dory ...now to find Nemo!

[Phoenix_Rising]

@Former-Member I am in my car and I have a gigantic wave of suicidal ideation so I am going to sit here in the parked car until it settles a bit and then I am going to drive home and I am going to report in when I get home. I'm telling you this so that I can give myself a reason to get home. It's just a wave, it's just a wave, it's just a wave. Thank you for helping me feel less alone.

[CherryBomb]

Hi @Phoenix_Rising, 

Thanks for letting me know. It's just a wave. A big one by the sounds of it. Remember, it'll pass - it always does. Let's chat once you get home. Are you right to drive home safely?

[Phoenix_Rising]

@CherryBomb not yet but I know not to start the car until I am. Thank you for being there, I feel utterly alone.

[CherryBomb]

@Phoenix_Rising I'm here with you. 

Deep breaths. You got this.