Just checking in.

[Teej]

Not until 5 m @CheerBear. How are you going? 

Im a bit of a confused mess about lots of things but I’m feeling trapped to write them here. I don’t think it would be helpful for me just now. Maybe like you (but totally different and nowhere near as complex) I feel like I’m at cross roads. I am just sitting here feeling paralysed as to which way to turn and feeling like when I do decide I’ll be bunny hopping across the intersection  and probably stall (yes I drive a manual with a dodgy clutch so I’ve experienced this lots 🤦‍♀️). 

Sorry, im feeling woe is me a bit and wasn’t going to come onto the forum today but couldn’t resist with the colour purple being the word of the day or someone’s not birthday 😘. 

Im sorry the phone call didn’t work out. I just read worry room as I was going to post there. Have you any other options as to getting support. Would it help to know what others would do? I expect not because it’s fully loaded but I was just wondering. You managed to get me to dream a similar scenario the other night :face_with_rolling_eyes:. It was interesting that in the dream it felt real and I went through all the emotions from joy to dispair in my dream. 

[CheerBear]

Big hugs @Teej. Crossroads can be soooooo hard. Totally get the trouble working out which way and the fear that whatever way you go, it'll be shaky (or hoppy).

No need to be sorry for feeling the way you do. Is the sick bug maybe playing in to that? I'd be feeling pretty average after going through it for weeks 😏

If you or anyone would like to share what you'd do with that one, I'd like to hear but otherwise I am OK enough today. I went full angry, dark and twisted and fought all kinds of ugly off last night. Not a great strategy but I made it out of it. Today I had a big heart pour to my MH worker which helped a lot. She sat with me in my tears and then I bought gingerbread houses for playing with this weekend with the kids. That's a winner 🙂

My options for support are pretty limited I think, but that's OK. There's only so much going over the pros and cons I can do. Someone said that now maybe it is best for me to spend my headspace working on how to protect myself and be OK through whatever decision I make. I liked that shift and that's what I am trying now. I think I know what I'll do and now all I can do is prepare myself as best as I can. Sorry about the dream. I dont remember having been through such a messy one as far as extreme emotions of all kinds goes, before.

[Shaz51]

Really sorry to hear about Mr Buddha and the NDIS @PeppiPatty, my special friend xx

Love the elephants . my mum loves elephants @PeppiPatty

@outlander, how did you go with all that rain xxx

@CheerBear, thinking of you today

@Teej   soo good that you came onto the forum today even though you were not really up to it , sending you hugs

[Appleblossom]

@TAB

Sorry you are having a crap time at work.

Not sure what the right approach is. To face bad music or let them go short staffed.

Some people do like to be critical and endlessly nitpick, but cannot take it when shoe is on other foot.

Tbh I cant believe how negative people can be without having the skills or training.

I had a period when young 5 years when I felt I had good managers.  So it is possible, but maybe not common.

SOmetimes the money is not worth it.

For last 25 years been my own boss.  I put up with crap from some students, and spent a year trying to get their mother to stop bringing them to my house.  Not worth the money. They also were pests to my son. Grrrr.

All depends.  Other times we do anything to pay the bills.

Take Care Mate

[Teej]

I’m ok @CheerBear. 

Sorry got delayed. My turn for teary support phone call. 

I like the thought of protecting yourself for your decision. In the end of my dream my head finally won out over my heart. I think in real life with the life experiences I’ve had I hope that my head would win over my heart too. There have been times I’ve thought about fostering a child on and off over the last few years but luckily my head wins that one too. I struggle look after myself let alone someone really vulnerable. I know that it’s possibly (I have no real clue which at you are leaning 😳) not your decision and I would totally get that and be supportive of it too. I would totally get the other option and be supportive of it too. I think I’m just grateful that I live in a society and era where either choice I an option and will be supported. Off my soapbox now. 

Hoping gingerbread houses bring my joy to all who partake in them. Im hoping to pick my Christmas tree up from my therapist tonight after the doctor. Have a good afternoon and evening 🎄💜

[TAB]

Today is actually ok which is concerning re doing my own head in lol Thanks @Appleblossom

[Appleblossom]

Thats good, Puddy tat.

@TAB

[CheerBear]

Hope the teary support call helped @Teej.

Thanks heaps for sharing what might win the battle for you. I was wondering where you might sit with it all and am really thankful you shared. I seriously appreciate your support either way (I just appreciate you lots Teej).

I think my head will win this one which is really tough in a way because I'm so often led (dragged along) by my heart. I want to think that I can't do it (continue what I've started) but it isn't that as I know I could. It's that I don't think I want to. That feels like raw honesty that's hard for me to admit to myself, let alone anyone else 😏. I have two appointments tomorrow and then I'll be ready (or not) over the weekend in my bbn own time in my own way. I'm scared of lots. I'm scared I won't be able to do it, scared of how I'll be when it is happening and scared of how long it will take to be at peace, but in all (raw) honesty (again) I feel better for having mostly made a decision and am looking forward to having it not play on my mind all the time, to not feeling sick and sore and jumbled all the time, and to being able to move on in the way I was working so hard at before I made a terrible decision that has nearly broken me.

He's coming over soon to talk about it. He wants to support me and says he will either way, but he has also expressed a pretty strong preference towards his heart winning to the point that he has shared good news with his family 😔. I feel like I'm going to need to stay strong when I see him, so in a way me sharing here is trying to build myself up for it.

The little people and I took a treat to the park this afternoon and it felt so good. They will continue to be the number one protective factor I have so I'm going to try really hard to focus on all the good feels that being with them brings over the coming weeks. The Grinch, twinkling fairy lights, a sparkly tree, gingerbread houses and December magic (and a bunch of exciting school stuff I can't really share).

I hope you enjoy picking up your tree. Super cool that it comes from where it does. Also hope that appointment has gone well for you. Hugs again.

🎄😊🖤

[TAB]

😸 @Appleblossom

[outlander]

@CheerBear ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤