Lived Experience Forum

[Sans911]

Morning @Faith-and-Hope

It's still a little early here in the West so I'm probably going to go back to sleep.

[CheerBear]

Editing as I'm not sure you were talking about what I was thinking you were @Teej . If your post this morning was in reference to my worry room post, it had nothing to do with your posts yesterday. I don't feel OK about not being here until I've said that. I think it's very thoughtful of you to be thinking about where else to post and I see your side of it. I'd really encourage you to post wherever you want to and think it is important to have the feeling that it is OK to do that. I hear it has been a struggle for you and I see why. I myself wouldn't stop posting check in's here because it's a neutral space here. There is no ownership here which is something I feel in a lot of other places even though people say there is not. When I've vented here, you've been the one to reply the most and I have been very thankful for your support, but I haven't expected you to always catch my wobbles and have never wanted to put that pressure on you either (and don't think I have, though I understand if you may have felt it at times). When others have replied I've been so thankful for that too and said that. I say hi to everyone and always try to include as many as I can without tagging people that I'm not confident want to be tagged or are in the headspace to be tagged. If it became exclusive, from my perspective that's because for whatever reason few others reply. That has hurt sometimes but I understand it. It hasn't stopped me posting here though as without a neutral safe space, where else is there. I've needed a place to vent and to be heard and this felt like the right place without jumping in on an ongoing conversation, needing to reply a heap of other posts before I vent (which is so hard to do when I'm in a jumbled headspace), without running the risk of derailing a happy chat or social catch up, with less worry about triggering anyone as I know people can and do choose to stay away from here etc. It has been a big struggle for me too for the same reasons as you, but without here there has been few other places I've felt OK to post some of the posts I do.

As I said, my worry room wobble has nothing to do with you (and I worried you'd feel as if it did and I'm sorry if you read it and thought that it was). What happened for me to make that post was probably the last straw for me. It isn't helping me to be feeling like I'm not worth five minutes and I'm sure you get that.

Keep being the kind, strong, brave, funny you you are, all of you.

[Teej]

Thanks @CheerBear , @Sans911 , @Faith-and-Hope  it has helped to read your responses. I’ll reply a bit later. I went back to sleep a bit earlier too. I’m ok today so far but need coffee and to wake up a bit more first. 

[Faith-and-Hope]

I haven’t spoken up @Teej, because I am happy to find you anywhere, and get you would know that ..... but I also can’t offer you the same lived experience type of support that @Sans911 @CheerBear @Zoe7 and others here can, and we know that too ..... but I have always been made to feel that that’s okay.

Sometimes support is support in whatever form it works anyway, and a hand held when a hand is needing holding is the bottom line.  

While we try to keep topics to their labelled threads, nothing is as important as the human needs side of things, so if the topics don’t quite fit and need sorting out later, the mods team can do some sorting out there.  The most important thing in the moment is communicating struggles and needs and being heard and cared for.

Hugs to all here and reading along ..... 👋💕

[TheVorticon]

Hoping that it wasn't due to me not replying to you awhile ago @CheerBear . If it was/is, I'm very sorry and am open to discussing it further if that's what you would like.

(Also more than ok not to discuss it if it is/was me but you don't want to talk about it with me... Or if it isn't/wasn't me then no need to respond either... i.e. Please don't feel any pressure to reply to this regardless.)

[CheerBear]

I've been looking at Yooka-Laylee since we chatted @TheVorticon. Just thought I'd say that.

It is definitely not you either. It is no-one this side of here and I hope this post is read if others are head scratching. I really don't like the feeling of wondering whether I have played a part in someone's hurt and I am really sorry if you or others have felt that with me lately. It's an ongoing feeling I've had for a while now and it sucks. I have a feeling you understand the invisible, don't matter feelings and how unhelpful they are.

I think the hole is too big to get out of so I'm heading off.

[Faith-and-Hope]

💜🌈 @CheerBear 

🤜🤛👋 @TheVorticon 

[outlander]

@CheerBear

[TheVorticon]

Yooka-Laylee has been fun to play so far CheerBear. I'm enjoying getting new moves (like being able to jump higher or glide for longer!) and going through the different worlds and seeing how much of the gameplay and style they brought across from Banjo-Kazooie (it's almost exactly the same, they essentially just renamed everything and made new maps haha). A fun nostalgia thing for me.

I'm not sure if Tamagotchi or DigiMon were a big thing for you but I saw JBHi-Fi are going to be selling them soon.

Thanks for letting me know. I very much understand the invisible, don't matter feelings and their unhelpfulness. And I'm sorry that they've been generated for you in however they have been generated. I just need to say that you 100% DO matter. Regardless of what anyone else's lack of understanding or lack of insight or insensitivity or lack of time/budget/processes/whatever... The lack is on the other side, not on yours. I hope you can see that for yourself, or at least reach out to people who can remind you and reflect back your worth. Cause you are worth it, and you do matter.

(Not tagging cause I don't want to intrude on you having a break from here if that's what you need... but wanting to tag because you're worth replying to and being heard and not being invisible, whether that's here or anywhere else...)

[Zoe7]

@CheerBear @Teej I have been reading along with some of what you have both been going through and really feel for you both 

@CheerBear It is demoralising when your safe place does not feel that way anymore and I honestly do not know how to get that back. I do think that you are a wonderfully caring and compassionate little cheerbear and deserve the same support in return that you so readily give to others. I know I haven't been around for you lately but you are always very much in my thoughts. There are some special bonds we have here on the forum and neither time nor distance changes those special feelings for each other at all. You @Teej are one of those special people here also 

I have been very much reminded lately of how much past hurts have come back into prominence and missing friends here is further enhanced in those moments. There is a very big hurt that I know you still feel (I do also so can only imagine the extent that you feel it). I often think about our friend and hope with all hopes that she is out there and okay - and that she knows how much we think of her and miss her.  

I am further finding it hard to be here because of those hurt feelings and I may be very much off the mark here CB but it seems similar for you. We can only do what we can do and that has to be enough. We can only be who we are and that has to be a enough too. You are a wonderful, humourous and giving little CB and I find everything you write from the heart with depth and wisdom. Your exeriences help guide others and help people feel less alone ...so it is heartbreaking that you are feeling some of that loneliness yourself right now. I have nothing but love, respect and compassion for you CB and I do hope that you can get back to a place where you feel you can give back here as well as receive support. We need our CB here and very much miss you when you are not around