I have a daughter with BPD

[olly53]

I have a daughter with BPD and things haven't been going so well lately. She is so angry with me it is difficult to have a relationship with her. I am feeling both frustrated and concerned about her.

[Achillies]

Hi there,im not a professional nor do i personally suffer bipolar.I am however a full time carer for my partner who has an aquired brain injury and as a result she sometimes has trouble controlling her emotions and behaviour.none the less i still love her and with ongoing support and unconditional love your situation is sure to improve.Also you could try seek some extra assistance from a professional in these matters.Dont give up,life really gets tough sometimes.Have you looked at respite for a short break? Does your daughter regularly take medication,people with bipolar regularly will stop taking their meds and this could be causing her to get too emotional,i dont know.Just stay strong yet compassionate to your daughters situation.She needs your support.Remember to make some time for yourself too,as how can you TRULY love and care for another unless you have love and care for yourself? Keep your chin up and good luck:)

[olly53]

I feel like I let her down tonight but she has pushed me so much lately that I couldn't take it anymore. Thanks for the positive encouragement it can get tough and I have had a bit going on in my life aside from her and I could hear her screaming at me but haven't been able to help her. Sometimes her need for me is a burden as I get older.

[Faith-and-Hope]

Yeah, hang in there olly53.

We are carers, not saints ... we are not always going to get it right, and we are not always going to be up for the full challenge.  Please remember that you are as important as your daughter is, and it will be an ongoing balance to care for the both of you as best you can in the moment.  There is no shame in taking a step back sometimes, and there are articles around regarding compassion fatigue.

If you need someone to talk to in those moments, you can call the Helpline above.

I have a sister who suffered a brain injury during infancy through illness.  She became ambushed as she got older, in that she would follow my mum around all day, arguing and fault-finding with everything she did. My mum's solution was to teach her self-care skills, then put her into an independent living situation.  She would spend time with my sister, but when she had had enough, or my sister was being particularly rude, she would drop her back home and drive away.  While you can't always do that with someone who has an illness, respite is so important, even if it means a pair of headphones to drown out screamed abuse until it dies down.  You can still hear it, and can monitor that the person is not harming themselves, but it creates enough distance that your brain has a bit of sanctuary.

Take care of yourself.  Keep things around you that bring a smile 💐

[mumadvocate]

I have a daughter with BPD, anxiety and bulimia. She was diagnosed 3 years ago after 2 suicide attempts. I just want to tell you there is light at the end of the tunnel. She has completed 3 courses of dialectical behaviour therapy and sees a really fantastic psychiatrist. It took along time to get there but it is worth it. Yes she takes meds and there are times she goes backwards but she continues to go forward. I never take her anger personally and when she is like that I know she is hurting more then me. She is feeling confused and alone.  it can get better as long as you can access the right resources. It is exhausting and frustrating I agree. I read a book by Shari Manning called loving someone with borderline personality disorder. It is positive and gives you ways to talk to and deal with someone with this awful thing. It helped me so much and provided me with a good insight into what my daughter goes through every day of her life. I hope things get better for you both.

[Faith-and-Hope]

"ambushed" was supposed to be
** abusive** in my post above
- got spell-checked.

[tdwp]

I have a 16 yo daughter with BPD diagnosed 5 months ago. She too is very angry & we are her punching bag. We have taken her to the ER 3 times & still battling with getting her help that she will take. We are always adjusting our parenting technique but still parenting her. It helps having a partner or someone you can bounce your thoughts off. Sometimes we just have to let her run off & let off steam rather than repress her.

[olly53]

Thanks for sharing your story. It has been harder for me this year as my sister passed away and left me overwhelmed with grief. Not a good recipe for helping my daughter with BPD but a valuable lesson for both of us I suppose. My tolerence levels have been down and as a result where I would have not said anything In the past I have. When she rang me the next day calm I was able to tell her that as a reason for my decreased level of support which has always been high.

After talking about the recent episode, I have to say that when I sit and reflect she has come a long way from diagnosis to now. It can be easy to get disallusioned but important for me to see the good things that have happened and are happening. She is going overseas in August by herself while I am looking after her 13 year old son. This is something I would never thought she could do but I think generally she is up to it.

She holds down a part time job which I am proud of her for and looks after my 13yo grandson well. It is at it's worst when she gets stressed so I try without interfering to suggest ways of avoiding the stress.

[Faith-and-Hope]

Hi olly53

Its great to hear about the "glass half full" days too.  I think that's important.  Maybe you can mark the days on a calendar with a special sticker, like a butterfly, when you have had a particularly good day to mark the occasion, and remind yourself that there are good days.

Be well 🌺

[olly53]

I can't always understand what happens but since we both had the meltdown recently our relationship has improved. I have more empathy after talking on this site and I think she has more awarenesss of where her BPD takes her. She has just this weekend moved house and done a really good job organising it herself. My husband and I helped clean the old house and I kept reminding her to find ways to keep her stress to a minimum by offering any assistance she needed. I am much more aware again of the ways in which I can help without attacking her self esteem which is always vulnerable to being low. I have praised her for the job she has done in executing this house move but can also see how exhausted she is. At 35 years of age she doesn't like the concept of being dependant on me so I am trying harder to come in and out at the right times. Yes, it will always be a challenge but together we can keep working towards a better life for her. I am also being more conscious of doing things that I enjoy so that I don't get too emotionally worn out. I am now on the right track but I always know the difficulties of her condition.