I'm starting to feel empty and like there is nothing to live for. I'm terrified of my daughters growing up depressed and blaming me.
I'm depressed cause I want my parents to want to be in my daughters lives. They should want to be a part of their grandchildrens life yet at this rate my girls won't even know who they are. Mum is lucky to see them once a week and dad lucky once a month. My youngest has no clue who here grandparents are and that's not what I wanted for my children. I wanted them to grow up being spoilt by their grandparents and going for sleep overs. Haveing them come over to visit and vice versa. I won't go to their place because of the foster children and the way they behave I'm afraid for my children's safety with them around. My parents care more for someone else's feral children who are ruineing their lives, then there own children and grandchildren. How on earth can they be happy not getting to see their own grandchildren for the sake of a few foster kids who can so so easily go to another home/s.
then recently My 4yr old has been getting bullied by her "best friend" it's her friends way or my daughter will get bashed. My daughter won a race so her friend hurt her all because she didn't win. They where playing teachers and they both wanted to be the teacher so my daughters "friend" again hurt her. And if I stop them seeing each other then my daughter loses a friend and I most likely lose a friend to (friends mum). They are going to the same school next year and I am terrified.
I'm depressed because there is no family for my daughters except myself and their father. I know how great it is to be serounded by family, cousins, aunts and uncles, grandparents and so on. It sucks that my girls have to for now miss out on all that 😞 my sisters don't make an effort anymore to see us. My parents are never around and they only live 15 min away.
All I can do is learn from all this and do better as a mum, Aunty and one day a grandmother. Until then we all have to suffer a while. But I won't let my children and future grandchildren suffer like I am.
My social anxiety is holding me back so much in life. I feel like I'm going to have no friends for the rest of my life.
thanks to anyone who has read this far. Sorry if I sound selfish I just had to get out my thoughts.
