I can’t cope

[Jynx]

Dun dun......

Dun dun.......

Dun dun

Dun dun

Dun dun

Dun dun dun dun DUN DUN OM NOM BYE BYE YOU SHARK FOOD NOW

@Captain24 😂

(I really hope it's obvious I'm doing the Jaws theme 😅)

[Jynx]

@Captain24 hmm well if you feel like the wishful thinking could come back to bite you (I think we've all been the victims of our own expectations lol), maybe a helpful reframe could be to tell yourself not that 'it'll be okay', but maybe like, "I know things might not be okay, and I might end up very hurt or upset at some point during this holiday... but even if it does go that way, I know I will survive, and I will have my forums fam here to catch me if I fall". Howzat sound?

Aww hun, why didn't you stop when it started feeling like a chore?

Actually if you're anything like me I know why... cos you got locked onto it and your brain said 'no we have to do this now' - that sound familar? 😅 For me it's cos my ADHD makes it difficult to switch tasks!

[Captain24]

I got the jaws sound track! 😝 @Jynx It was going through my head too. 

That reframe is more realistic! 

I kept going with it because I have to do self care. So it was something I had to do. I can’t let anyone down. Diamond art was a chore yesterday too. I just have to do it. I have to self care everyday. I’m just not getting anything out of it. 

[Jynx]

@Captain24 Hmm... just reading your words and like, it's sooo tricky! What's coming through your narrative is that it doesn't matter what you actually want, because THIS is what self-care is and if you don't do it you'll be a disappointment to those who set you the task.

And in terms of combatting anhedonia, yeah I think there is a bit of 'brute forcing' we have to do to effectively 'wake' those neural pathways back up... so especially at first, a lot of stuff won't be as enjoyable.

But what's got me worried by your narrative is that... if it's 'a chore', if it's unenjoyable, if it is something you might grow to resent - is it really self-care anymore? And if it's not, what is the self-care you can do every day?

Potentially something to chat to your psych about!! I would also happily unpack it with you further but it will have to be another time!! I'm heading off for now, so I send BIG cuddles, BIG love, and BIG sleepy vibes 😋 Crack ya next time lovely one!! 💜

[Captain24]

You hit the nail on the head @Jynx. I am resenting what I’m going. It’s an I have to not a I want to. I ordered my brother a Lego kit for his birthday but I didn’t even care to look at anything else. 

I’d like to unpack it when you’re back in. I’m not doing a very good job. 

I hope you have a great night

[tyme]

Heya @Captain24 ! I haven't caught up yet, and am just making a fleeting appearance, but please know I'm thinking about you and hope you are okay.

[tyme]

Hey @Captain24 , are you okay?

Are you working?

[Captain24]

So an eventful day at work. I was called ‘passion fingers’ @tyme 

First water cart I was in one of the back tyres went flat it was an inside back one so I couldn’t see it while I was driving. Part of it was off the rim. So that was a close call.

The next water cart had an overheat error come up. Workshop said to keep driving it so I did. After about 30 minutes I saw smoke coming out of my truck. I had to call an emergency. If I had of left it for a few more minutes it would have burst into flames! 

Im glad today is over but now I stink of burnt hydraulic oil! I can also taste it. 

[tyme]

Oh no. @Captain24 . I'm glad you are safe. That is so dangerous! 

You must be running on adrenaline at the moment. 

Calm.... have you had a shower or settled a bit?

[Captain24]

I’m shaking like a leaf now that I’m home. I have had a shower and smell so much better. But I have a pounding headache. The adrenaline is wearing if and the what coulda happened is sinking in. @tyme

I need to work out how to settle.