A Poem? Maybe?

[SCORPION]

I walk with myself as he is tall and strong and a tough veneer

but the veneer crack and fades

night comes the shadow comes out and patches the veneer on my hollow self

were ready for the next day

I play the shadow well no one sees a shadow or even looks

but lately the veneers fades quicker than I can repair

days go by no one sees

that the crackes open to quick the veneer to thin 

the shadow they see but it is nolonger me

ive hiden so long so deep 

I nolonger know who I am 

im lost to the shadows and must find a way out

so many spots of light I see 

I look around but which ones me 

Im scared to move in the wrong  direction to pick a light to go to

if I pick wrong im lost forever 

Scorpion

[SCORPION]

Thankyou

I have always like writing poem s I've let vey few ever see them over the last few years as they have been lets just say very dark.

but each time I write one I chip off some of my darkness and thow it away reveling a bit more of myself

to me .I get close to being whole again thats my thought.

here in these pages I have found people that understand that and has had a great impact .

yes some days and nights are hard but here I have found a refuge in understanding of myself and otothers.i thank you all so much.if we keep listening to each other I can see the right light to go to.

Scorpion

[kato]

scorpion, i really like what you have been writing, i had until recently, forgotten about the fact i could write poems per say, i am glad you have been comfortable sharing here, i find when i write something really heartfelt for me, it alleviates a fair bit of stress and worry

Thank you i am very glad you are finding the forums to be a good place, i know i find it nice here

[SCORPION]

Hi thanks
I find this place like a home people listen dont judge nod give hints and advice from there own lifes I feel safe sharing here.
scorpion

[Alessandra1992]

Hey @SCORPION, I think because we are safe, we can share..Through sharing in each other's journeys we are bearing witness to each other, that not only are we exploring who and how we are, we are also witnessing a beautiful community growing..It is very humbling to be part of something so healing..and I am especially enjoying the links building between the two forums...
Keep writing @SCORPION, like Kato and Kristin..your poetry is really cool..

[NikNik]

I love that metaphor @SCORPION - the idea of chipping away at the darkness.

[kato]

where to start, how to begin

What has happened today, that has made me feel this way, i was feeling good, earlier today, i saw my psychiatrist, which went really well, but i think a few things have come and sunk in, taking me unaware, surprising me with the thoughts and feelings.............. why am i getting freaked out? why am i getting so confused?

So i will start from the beginning and work my way through.....

some things that i have learned today, Yes i do have bi-polar, but no numbers attached, i think it is still not known exactly. I also have psychotic symptoms, either associated with bipolar, my history of drug use, or perhaps it is attached to something else? Questions still not properly answered. I will be on medication for the rest of my life - something i was already prepared for, I think this next part is what knocked me a little, for the rest of my life i will need to be monitored by a psychiatrist........ i will have to see one regualrly for the next 6 - 12 months and then eventually will be once every three months, i think that is something i am struggling with tonight, i hadn't counted on that being part of my life.

I was also given four questionaires to fill out, i think it is to see if i have a mood disorder, i did the depression one, a borderline personality one, one that was referred to as a BPQ and i think the last one was titled Maclaren or Maclean.

Talking with the psychiatrist was really good, but i think the news has shaken me a little, perhaps this little black duck is a lot sicker then i thought, i mean it doesn't sound too normal, answering his questions with the responses i did, he wants to limit how much access to medication i have, example only picking up enough for a week or two....... i think that i have been getting worse, and maybe he has picked up on the unusual thought processers or idealogy.

The psychiatrist himself can't be my Dr as he wouldn't be able to offer me the care needed, BUT he does have in mind two possibilities of colleagues he is going to recommend, that he thinks will be really good for me....... i am happy about that.

we covered alot today, but i think as well as the news i am a little shaken by his seeming to have a lot of concern for me, when i don't think i am very concerning.... i am sitting here now crying, for no reason and i feel i have a massive weight on my chest.

I did something unusual this afternoon, my Dad is away this weekend and my mum, wanted to go shopping, weekly food shopping, so i said i would take her after my appointment, that is not the unusual thing, on our drive to the shopping centre, i actually opened up to her a fair bit, about what was covered, and i forgot to omit the part about, "s" i shocked her a little, i shouldn't have mentioned it too her, and i know she has told my dad, and i know we will be having a chat about that when he gets back..

It is weird i am quite open here inthe forum, but i am a very private person in reality, well i think i am, in regards to my parents and what i tell them, i know they stress more and worry more when i tell them too much.

Ok i am feeling a little better probably take me a good night sleep to digest everything.

Thank you

[SCORPION]

Very moving thanks for sharing a most personal and honest rest well we are all with you.
one step one day at a time
Scorpion

[peace]

Hey @kato I got lost in myself this past week and now that I'm back i read how your not doing to well. I send you some of my good feelings and dearly hope that when you've had time to process all the stuff going on that you will feel more in charge and focused on your path towards what I describe as healing treatment.
Bless you kato with inner peace. ♡♡♡

[PeppiPatty]

What is the "s," you didn't want to share with your Mum ?