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Flowerchild747
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Postnatal Manic Psychosis

I am 44 years old and I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder Type One in 2004, my child was only two days old when I went into Postnatal Manic Psychosis. Which is a rare event... so I'm told... it occurs in approximately 1% to 2% of 1000 women after childbirth with onset as early as 48 hours to 72 hours after delivery. A t 27, I fell pregnant, towards the end, I started not to sleep; I dismissed this as a symptom of pregnancy. The day came when the doctor decided to induce me, a week early due to my high blood pressure... 28 hours later, I gave birth to a big health boy who was nearly 9 pound. Completely drained my husband left the hospital to let me sleep. The truth is, I did not sleep - I could not sleep. I had so many thoughts going around in my head. After a day and night of not sleeping the doctors and nurses became concerned. I started to do things that I would not normally do and definitely, things a mother would not normal do. I pushed the crib away from me; I became confused and emotionally disconnected with my newborn. I started to become reckless. It was at this point I knew something was wrong. I was assessed by the resident psychiatrist I remember sitting in my hospital bed as I explained my thoughts I saw pity and sorrow in her eyes, this is when I realised I was delusional and needed help so I signed the consent forms to take me to the local psychiatric hospital for an intensive medical assessment. Consequently, I went from being in a private hospital to a locked ward... without my son. The first night I was disoriented, isolated and alone. I had no idea where I was, or why I was there. There were many thoughts going round and round inside my head, but I had this one terrifying question repeatedly coming up Had I killed my baby? The duty psychiatrist briefly assessed me had put me on an involuntary patient order for 72 hours. The locked ward was exactly like prison; Windows had bars on them and locked shut, Patients were restricted from areas not in use. Staff were located behind a big windowed cubicle, Patients had to wait their turn even to make a phone call. My thoughts were all over the place, Nothing made any sense. In addition, I did not know what was happening. What transpired that night was that I fell deeper into psychosis and I became delusional believing that I had to pass a series of tests in order to-get out. That first night I felt like a wild animal running place to place trying to escape. I tried doing things in stages I went to the big door in the common room; I patted around the edges of the door trying to find the exit button, which in my mind I thought, was the way out of the locked ward. I ran from room to room all around the entire ward looking for a way out. I became very agitated at this stage and hated being “locked up.” I felt that not one staff helped me. It was the most extensively confusing night of my life. In the morning, a new psychiatrist evaluated me. She had recommended that I be transferred from the locked ward to the mother baby unit, in those days...It was was still on the grounds of The Psychiatric Facility. I was transferred that morning. Nothing can describe the happiness I felt when I realised I had not hurt my son - he was alive and with me on the ward but my thoughts were still very erratic and still I did not sleep. I did not understand what was going on, in my eyes, I was fine and did not need to be hospitalised. There were radical changes in my personality; I had impaired functioning, and a distorted, well a non- existent sense of reality. After two more days of this manic behaviour​ and​ while ​in​ a​ deep psychotic state, the doctor sat me down and delivered my diagnosis...Postnatal Manic Psychosis. Then he simply got up and left the room. My jaw was on the ground... what did this mean? Remaining confused and not understanding. I felt neglected. The psychiatrist transferred me that day to another secure locked ward. There were six patients to three nurses and I was the only female patient there. I started to come out of the haze of manic psychosis into being, as the psychiatrist stated, “only slightly unwell”. I was still confused and disconnected. Slowly I started to sleep. Therefore, they move me back to the mother baby unit. After seven long days in this locked ward, wondering what was happening. Where is my son? What day it was? Once again, I united with my son. The scariest part for me was I had not bonded with him. I felt like I did not want to be a mother and questioned how I could look after a child if I could not even look after myself. I rejected the doctors and nurses advice to hold him. I was reluctant to. I felt like a failure , I was heartbroken and ashamed. I yearned to feel this bond. It saddened me that I did not feel this bond at all. I was incredibly disappointed; how I had expected to feel as a new mother was completely different to how I actually felt. I had this one terrible solitary persistent thought: I am hopeless. It overwhelmed me. Recently I have relapsed... I thought I had it under control but it resurfaced when a friend's son who was sixteen died in a car crash. I went totally manic and delusional. Wondering if anyone else had this postnatal diagnosis with relapse ten years later?

6 REPLIES 6

Re: Postnatal Manic Psychosis

Hi @Flowerchild747   I'm really sorry to see you've not had any response since posting your story so bravely.  That's unusual here on the forums.  Please stay with us, I am sure you will find support and also others with some experiences in common with you.  

I wasn't diagnosed with bipolar 1 until I was 46 years old, despite clearly having had it since my early teens.  I also have complex PTSD (from multiple assaults over the years and some other traumatising events) and the two really impact on each other and are intertwined.  I  have had psychosis with mania several times (at least) including post-natal and post-traumatic periods.  And I've been scheduled a few of those times.  I could tell long stories here, but rest assured I'm pretty sure I understand what you've been through and I definitely empathise strongly. 

My first child was born 14 weeks premature (31 years ago) due to a GP rupturing my membrane doing a smear.   Resulting in 52 hours labour 5 days later and a legally blind child with many other health issues and developmental delays.  During those 5 days I was kept lying down in hospital and only had a few hours sleep in total.  So (20:20 hindsight) it was the combination of shock, trauma, sudden major life change, lack of sleep, extreme stress and fear and deep self-blame that sent me into mania that time.  Sounds familiar doesn't it?   But of course once I was manic I felt on top of the world and definitely had some delusions that I can't even describe adequately.  That's probably enough of that story.  Huge traumatic events have happened at least 1 or 2 times every 10 years since.

Over the next 20+ years I was in and out of mania and major depression (and other mental health problems like hypervigilance, social phobia, aggoraphobia ...) and when I was up I could save the world, really only presented to Dr's when I was in a major depression and acutely anxious.  So I was repeatedly prescribed ad's and eventually a more on the ball doctor diagnosed that the ad's were triggering mania (this happens for some people with bipolar and is well known now).  (We're not allowed to discuss specific medications here on the forums so that's the only way I can say it).

So I'm telling you all this because it seems to me that the recent sudden loss of your friend's son has been another traumatic major life event for you and these type of events definitely have the potential to push us into mania.

Hoping you can access both a psychologist (talk therapy and I do EMDR with mine, CBT, DBT - many methods are helpful to learn to manage, stay aware of what's happening and have strategies for when things are changing) and a psychiatrist who might be able to get you onto helpful medications.  I have a combination of meds these days that keeps me really stable except for being resistant to all the ones that have been tried for my sleep issues).  It's not ideal having to take them all the time and probably for the rest of my life, but my mental health is the most important factor that influences all other aspects of my life.

I'm only speaking from my own lived experience here, I'm no kind of expert, but I hope to give you some hope and help you find support here to get you on a recovery path (  Recovery Model tells how I see that).

 

Unfortunate timing here as I'll be away from today until the 22nd Feb, but I'll look for you when I get back.  Hoping you choose to stay involved with the forums, they can be incredibly helpful. 

 

Take care until we meet again.

 

Tagging a @Former-Member  here in case they can reach out to more people for you.  Also tagging @Shaz51 @outlander @Faith-and-Hope @frog @Teej @CheerBear , our other community guides as they also might know who else could join this discussion.  I know you're not all parents but I'm sure you will be able to suggest and tag some folk here.

Re: Postnatal Manic Psychosis

Hello @eth thank you for flagging @Flowerchild747's very in depth and incredible post. @Flowerchild747 I too am sorry there hasn't been anyone jump in here, but very glad our wonderful @eth has brought it to our attention Heart

 

I am sorry of this experience you went through, it sounds like the staff on the ward didn't have very in depth understanding or empathy based on the experience you have described. This is really sad, and I want you to know that there are good practitioners out there who will listen to you and honour the space around this experience with your son, and then your friends son's recent passing. Would you be open to connecting with one of the counsellors at the SANE Help Centre? It's completely confidential and they are free for a chat from 10am-10pm weekdays here. Let us know how you're travelling when you have a moment 🙂 

Re: Postnatal Manic Psychosis

Hi @Flowerchild747  and welcome to the forums.  Thank you so much for sharing your difficult story with us.  I am so glad you are here, and look forward to getting to know you around the forums.

 

While I haven't had personal experience with post-natal depression per se, J have had very complicated family relationships and dynamics that affected my management of my home and family around the births and raising of my children.

 

A support service called PANDA has been suggested here on the forums for other members struggling with post-natal depression.  I hope it helps to contact them.  If you do, please let us know how you get on ?

 

PANDA - Perinatal Anxiety & Depression Australia

https://www.panda.org.au

 

Re: Postnatal Manic Psychosis

I am so sorry to hear all you have been through.   I do think my former mother inlaw suffered this. I do know there is an organisation that may help.

 

https://www.panda.org.au/info-support/postnatal-psychosis

 

I wish you all the best.

Re: Postnatal Manic Psychosis

Hi @Flowerchild747 

Thank you for posting your experience. I’m not sure if you are still on the forum. I came on here to see if I can connect with others who’ve been through this. So few people have which makes it so isolating an experience. It’s been 6+yrs now for me and since then I’ve been diagnosed with ADHD. Struggling some right now but hanging in there. The hardest part of psychosis seems to be the lack of perception. That doubt and uncertainty as to whether you are actually seeing the world clearly & knowing when and where and how to get help. Also I’m struggling with those around me having mental health struggles too. Feeling rather like the rock for those around me when I’m barely stable myself. Ok sleep needed. I’ll leave this heat for whoever else needs to see it. 

Re: Postnatal Manic Psychosis

I've seen it and I hear you @IvyRose . Welcome to the forums!

 

Here are some threads which may be of interest:

Wait what did I come into this thread for again? Oh yeah, ADHD! 

Welcome! Introduce yourself here 🙂 

 

Hope to see you around 🙂

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