14th year house bound

[Jacques]

Karen, all the techniqes i use are not working, i have not had this longer stretch of suicidal thoughts before, it is so scary. 

The weather, well it is sunny, got some rain on Sunday, but otherwise very humid, the animals, Well Miss Piggy is back into her mud baths, she has gone from a shade of pink to a deep brown, she always looks so proud of herself when she has her baths, the lambs are still getting into mischef and getting into the wrong paddocks, and the cattle, well they are going good, playing eating and sleeping.

The birds are nesting at the moment, so we have a lot of birds scavanging for food under/through our shrubs, i had to tell one off yesterday because he/she was pulling pieces of flyscreen off the windows, for their nests.

The shed, well i spent last night in the shed discarding old carpet and flyscreen, trying to get it clean enough for the kitchen modules, i don't know if i will have the energy to do the kitchen, i am so unfit and overweight now.

[hiddenite]

I know how you feel I tried to hand mow, my garden which is an acre. I feel like a fat blob. I didn't manage to finish the ground was so boggy the mower kept sinking in the mud.

Thanks for telling me a bit about you and the animals I love hearing about them

Thank you Jacques

[Jacques]

Far out Karen, i mow 1/4 acre and i am buggered, how do you manage an acre?

It must be very difficult with a hand mower, maybe get a brush cutter, or a ride on.

How are you Karen, what are you and the girls up to? how is your youngest getting on with the croup?

[hiddenite]

Jacques this is the first time I've mowed at the house, I got most of it done I'm disappointed I didn't get it all done. My wrists are really painful.

My daughter is back at school and sleeping. Thanks for asking.

My mood is really low and struggling with new intrusive thoughts. I don't need to explain you know what they are.

Jacques you know how much I care for you, please stay safe

[Jacques]

Karen i am about to download an app, for my phone, can you please download it on your phone or tablet,

https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.moodtools.moodtools&hl=en

It will help you and me a lot

[Jacques]

This app is fantastic, please moderators look into it, others may find this very useful

[Jacques]

Karen go to the playstor on your tablet or phone and type in the search section moodtools, it is the first one. fantastic tool for people like you and me

[Jacques]

Karen yuou should not be disappointed, remember your home is yours, take your time, enjoy what you have.  you know last weekend i only trimmed 2 trees, and spent the rest of the day looking at the garden, not everything needs to be done now, you own it, it will get done in tme Karen.  Remember slow down, remember why you bought the house, enjoy the simple things.

I am glad your daughter is ok, i feel so sorry for her, i know what it is like to be sick when i was a child, being a parent you feel helpless, so did my parents.

Karen, thank you for supporting me when you are struggling yourself, i am so thankful to have you as my friend, to support and look out for me.

Karen i am Safe, it is extremely difficult but i will fight on, i have no choice.  Karen please keep talking to me, it is very soothing.

[hiddenite]

Thanks Jacques I will see if I can manage to download it.

I told you the other day I feel like a hypocrite for trying to get you to try the grounding techniques and distract, meditation..... because I'm not doing any of them either. I'm not even using my notebook anymore.

Jacques have you thought about seeing the Dr  to get a PRN it would be helpful to try and break the anxiety and thoughts. Please think about it. You don't have to tell the Dr about the suicide stuff. Just explain how bad the anxiety has become and not sleeping. The Dr is there to help you. Please try.

Karen

[Jacques]

Karen please download it, i feel it will help you a lot, it will only take a few minutes, and it has a wealth of information and ways to cope.i downloaded it only a minute ago, i am going to look through it tonight, it looks fantastic, it has a suicide prevention plan, coping techniques, calming youtube videos, etc, it is like a coping box all rolled into one.

Let me know if you need a hand

Karen can you say something nice about yourself for me? i don't like you putting yourself down.