Battles

[Dreamy]

@rav3n not needing a crisis line at the moment. I'm just trying to keep busy at the moment. Thanks for those hugs. 

[rav3n]

no worries @Dreamy glad that keeping busy helps, but also sounds quite exhausting! are you still cleaning up, or working on something else now?

[Dreamy]

@rav3n I'm exhausted but stopping isn't an option at the moment. 

[rav3n]

@Dreamy 

i see that you've been connecting with other members too, i hope that's been helping too 💙

[Dreamy]

@rav3n i shouldn't have actually said anything about it. Is there a way to get rid of that part of the posts at all please? 

[rav3n]

yes ofc, i've edited my post too now - i think it's all gone but if there's any other parts that need editing, please let me know and i can fix it up for you! @Dreamy 

[Dreamy]

Thanks @rav3n, sorry I didn't mean to cause problems there. I just kind of freaked and panicked about it being on here. 

[AuntGlow]

This is such a good question, and I often wonder this about myself and the ways my body and mind automatically react. @Dreamy 

It sounds like those specific neural pathways are soooo strong and do a great job of doing what they are meant to do (help you to survive), but they don't realise yet that it's safe to let go (because you are still giving your body and mind new experiences to prove that it's safe to do so). Essentially, you're still working on rewiring those pathways, which can take time (and that is okay). 

I think if you can do something ever so slightly different each time you feel overcome with heaviness or fear, in time, you will start to notice that your reactions are delayed or not as intense. For example, you may not see your progress, because it is slight, but we can. We can see you trying to safety plan, distract, slow down - you're doing the thing!! And it will help. I know it is frustrating, but maybe reminding yourself that you are strengthening new muscles will help. ❤️

[Dreamy]

@AuntGlow its incredibly frustrating that the body and mind go into that survival mode and do what they do to protect us but it's not always what's necessary at the time depending on the situation. 

I wish I could see those slight changes myself and it really makes me sad and disheartened that I can't. I often feel like I'm going backwards and that things are getting worse and in alot of ways they are. I just feel like I'm doing everything wrong and that I'm failing at trying to get better. 

It's heavy, it hurts, it's just completely exhausting. Yet somehow I still manage to make it through each day, maybe not unscathed but it's better than nothing.

A small breakthrough tonight though is that I've been able to do some of my colouring, something I haven't done for about 2 weeks. 

[Dreamy]

Today I'm not ok, I'm struggling. I'm not sure exactly why I feel the way I do but I do know that it's completely consuming me right now. 

I'm curled up on my lounge with a wheat bag to keep me warm and a movie on the TV although I have my back to it. Today I'm taking things minute by minute just trying to get through from one to the next. Hoping that these really heavy feelings will lift soon cos sitting with them feels unbearable.