Lived Experience Forum

[ClockFace]

A while ago I came to the revelation that I had very little respect for myself. Im very overweight, like I could lose ½ my weight and still be considered overweight. At the time I wasnt showering or at least often. I wasnt brushing my teeth. I obviously wasnt eating well. I was sick all the time. Tired all the time. I didnt care for myself because I didnt care about myself.  

TW: Weight loss

Content/trigger warning

Since that time I have made some pretty significant changes in my life. It is going to take a long time to recover from the mistreatment I put my body through and in some areas, I will carry the scars both mentally and physically for the rest of my life. When I lose the weight and it is a when, I know that my stomach will show that I was very heavy for the rest of my life. Even if I decide, which is unlikely, to have cosmetic surgery to try and minimise that, there will be scars from the surgery itself. I say its unlikely because, firstly I cant see myself having the money available to afford the surgery and I cant see that if I did that I could justify spending it on something like that. Secondly, I dont see things like this as things I need to be ashamed of or try to hide from my past. That said, I will be finding or making a product that will minimise the effect of losing significant weight will have on my stomach.

I have started eating a much healthier meal plan however, at the moment I am struggling to maintain this. No, not because its Easter and I have consumed every chocolate in the local supermarket, though I have had some and it does feel like I have eaten a supermarkets worth but in reality its been some roses and Lindt Bunnies. The problem Im having is that I am unable to get all the food in that I have as part of my meal plan. [edited by moderator] I am incorporating protein powder into my coffee, its a flavourless one, well almost, [edited by moderator]. 

The next thing that I have started to do is to start taking care of my skin etc. It took me a bit but I found a company that sells men’s personal care products that use mainly natural ingredients. I use them for most of my stuff and another for some others, primarily due to cost. The only hassle is that neither actually address my skin type or issues. In fact there are few companies that do and they are mainly marketed towards women, I say mainly, I should say pretty much entirely. Where I could potentially utilise a product, the costs involved have made it cost prohibitive.

My skin would be classed as acne prone skin however, it is, as a rule, covered in acne all the time, well it feels like it anyhow. I get a lot of acne around my upper thighs, groin, back and shoulders, with a smaller amount on my face. I also get a bit on my scalp. I have a product that Im using that is helping my face, though it isnt cheap. What I need is products that work on my body and scalp and can be used on more sensitive areas.

So, I want to look after my skin, clear or at least reduce my acne and boils and not spend my pay check each month doing so. To clarify, I have seen a dermatologist about the acne and his regime that he implemented didnt work and I didnt exactly think much of him. The other thing I didnt really love was the regime was a series of very strong medicated washes. While I am not against medication as a rule, I felt less happy about smoothing my body in these washes hoping that they would clear my skin than say taking a medication to treat an ailment. I dunno, it just didnt feel quite right. Anyhow, I did do it and no it didnt do a thing. However, when I decided to stop drinking cow milk and started drinking oat milk, my skin did clear up a fair bit, not entirely but better.

Not finding what I wanted on the market, I started to look for alternatives. I knew Tea Tree Oil helped to treat acne, So I wondered if there were any other natural treatments which was the start of a rabbit hole that I have fallen down.

I have become really interested in natural skin care, this led to an interest in natural hair care and natural cleaning. Ive focused mainly on the natural skin care and learning what I can about making my own, what is called formulating. There are a lot of recipes on the net for pretty much everything, though again, focused primarily on women and not so much on body acne so I have been learning what I can to be able to modify the recipes to have acne targeting bend to them. Unfortunately, at the moment, this is pretty much all theoretical because I have a limited amount of money and I plan my spending months in advance, so while I have modified my spending for the upcoming months to allow for dipping my toe into this world, its going to be minimal practical aspects to it for a while.

I have made a natural body scrub, which works really well. I followed an online recipe and used tea tree oil in the mix. I added Manuka honey which I got the idea from a similar recipe that I found. I have been doing a course online, a free one to get an idea of things and I have found that there are a lot of problems with this. Firstly, while there is no water in the mixture, it doesnt need a preservative, however though not mentioned in the honey recipe because there is honey in the mix, it does need a preservative. Also, because its in a container and I am reaching in with wet hands to get the scrub out of it, it is getting water in it and therefore again needs a preservative. So while there is recipes online, not all of them are great examples and could lead to bigger issues.

Im going to make a pomade next, I have found a recipe, though Im going to look at others, but I spend $32 on a 100g tin of pomade and for $40 I can make at least 400g of my own. Its different stuff but does the same job and worth having a go at. Added to which, its effectively what was used for ages and we have just made synthetic versions of the natural stuff.

I do like the idea of natural products, Im not a, what I used to call a “tree hugger” or something like that, but I do recognise that we live in a world full of unnatural products that we consume and if I can reduce that consumption in my life a little then maybe its worth trying. Who knows, maybe as time goes on, its something Ill adopt more and more in my life and I will try and reduce the amount of man made ingredients I consume. I dont think at the moment or for the foreseeable future I can justify going organic, its so much more expensive. While I do see the benefits of organic food and such and I am sure that the pesticides and the like used in growing food are having a negative affect on my body I just dont earn enough to be able to pay for them. Added to that, I dont see a way how we can, in the current atmosphere, feed as many people as we do and do it at a price that the majority can afford without the current farming practices. I am firmly against GMO’s, but for a farmer to make sufficient amount of their crop to be profitable (which is rare) they need to use chemical fertilisers, chemical pesticides, etc. Then they can make sufficient produces on the smallest amount of land as possible, while producing enough that the nation is fed. When you change a standard farmer into an organic farmer the amount of land that can be farmed is lessened and so is the harvest that farmer can harvest, which is part of the reason the price goes up. Therefore, less of the population can be fed through this style of farming. If we were to convert to 100% organic farming, the financial strain this would put on the lower and middle class would be crippling and we would have generations of people far worse off than they are now because they wouldnt be getting an adequate diet. We may be eating food that is laden with unnatural additives due to the farming methods used, but the food is obtainable and provides sufficient nutrients to meet the minimum needs of the majority. This is not to say that there isnt a place for organic produce, but until there is a better method of mass farming or we as a society decide that more people and prime land needs to be invested into farming this is all we have. Of course, there are people who are not able to eat foods from this farming method, which is where organic farming is vital but on a whole, I dont see a better option.

Sorry, I got off on a tangent, I grew up in a farming community and I kinda get the pressures they are under, many of which people outside those communities just dont comprehend.

So, for me the best I can do is to eat food that is as natural as possible. I am probably a little ways off that. If Im eating well, it includes protein bars and protein shakes. My main meal is a frozen meal but pretty well natural ingredients. Until I lose the weight I have on me, thats the way it will basically stay because its the best way for me to get the nutrition I need and still lose weight. However, once I am at a healthy weight I will revisit this and design a diet that is nutritious and natural.

While not at all natural, my medications are a non-negotiable. I am looking at studying cosmetic science (mainly about formulating etc), Aromatherapy (to understand essential oils better) and Herbal Medicine. However, I dont believe any of those things takes the place of modern medicine and that I will or should encourage others to rely on them in place of modern medicine and medication. I do think they can compliment modern medicine, I have Skitzoaffective Disorder, modern medicine and medication should treat this however aromatherapy could assist in promoting calmer moods, thereby aiding in my daily life but it is not a treatment, its an aid.

Natural skin care is similar, there is probably a regime of medicated washes and other treatments that a dermatologist could prescribe that might eliminate my acne, but at this point I am thinking at what cost. I felt somewhat uncomfortable with the stuff they have tried and it can only get more intense from here. I also havent really given natural remedies a try. I am not putting myself at risk in using properly formulated natural skin care again, this based on stuff used for thousands of years. Im doing courses and researching what I can find, but I am considering doing a degree in cosmetic science which covers natural ingredients, because quite a lot of it is natural or synthetic versions of natural ingredients. I couldnt believe that there is a synthetic version of bees wax, that is almost entirely exactly the same as the natural stuff. When I realised the use for vegans, it made more sense but still. Sometimes we make stuff, man made products or synthetic stuff and call it an advancement but all it is, is different and in reality the natural product is still better. Sometimes, the unnatural stuff is used purely to combine and keep together natural things so they can be used in an unnatural way or to bypass a more expensive way of manufacturing the same thing. Sometimes the man made thing is just the better option.

The thing I have really like about making my own personal care products is, even though its been just the one product, is the personal connection I have with my personal care. It takes looking after yourself a step further. I do like the science behind it all as well, there is a fair bit of it to be honest. It is a huge learning curve. Even more so for me. I am probably worse than a typical male. I have basically stuck to shower gel, shampoo and deodorant (until recently). I dont know the difference between shower gel and a cleanser, from research it would seem both are a cleanser but there is some marketing carry on I think. I am trying to work it all out. There seems to me to be a whole mess of products but trying to work out what does what and what is actually needed is pretty overwhelming. Mens lines seem overly simplified and often missing specified lines. Like, typically there is one shower gel no matter the brand, covering all skin types. There isnt a shower gel for oily or dry skin, etc. Which to me, given many men the shower gel is the main or almost all of their skin care then tailoring the shower gel to skin type in this instance would be more vital than say women, who are more likely to follow up with toners etc. where their specific skin type would be catered for.

Ok, so I was wrong, cleansers are different from shower gel and I understand why now. I just did a bit more looking into things. As I say, I am a complete novice with all this. I know nothing, I do understand how the thought of my own line of personal care products does sound ambitious but its not rocket science that Im trying to learn.

What I see for myself is that I will probably end up using a mixture of natural and unnatural ingredients. I will have a significant lean towards natural ingredients but I cant deny that something like Salicylic Acid works exceptionally well at reducing my acne. I can get it in products for my face but not for my body, which is really what led me down this path. Trying to find a product to treat my acne on my body and being unsuccessful. It does kinda amaze me what I am able to get my hands on. Like, there are all these ingredients natural and not and with a little research I have been able to find suppliers in Australia that will sell them to me, in small enough quantities that are “affordable”. Not only that, but without proving any education in the field, any testing or external oversight at all really, I could wack together a mixture, put it in a bottle, add a label and sell it, legally. However, I would think that if something were to go wrong then there would be serious civil liabilities. Im planning on mixing and making my own stuff for my own use but before I chose to actually start selling anything I will have at the very least, undergone training in cosmetic science and that my products have gone through third party testing to ensure that the preservatives are working and to determine the shelf life of the products. To be honest however, I will admit that it is kinda likely that it will remain as a hobby. A fair amount will depend on the level of support that I get from the NDIS. I know that they wont help me start a business but Im hoping that they will help with the education side of things, that is if I get approved.

I think where I will draw the line with unnatural products is where I have to use multiple unnatural products to make the one I want to use work or I have to use harsh ingredients to dissolve it etc. This is another benefit of creating my own products, I can research the ingredients to be used and I can chose if they are acceptable or not. Again, my main focus will be to do as much as I can with natural ingredients, I think it will be mainly products that I would call treatments that would include unnatural ingredients. For instance, a body scrub would be all natural where as a acne serum would be a treatment and include Salicylic Acid. If I were to sell products there would be a standard line and then treatments.

This is all ever evolving, it might seem like a rambling post but there is a thread in here. Im learning as I do all this. I am also doing all this from a million steps behind the eight ball. Im a pretty unwell person, I have a serious undiagnosed illness, so I dont know if there is a treatment or how successful that treatment will be, I know essentially nothing about personal care products, I am on a rather low income and dont know if I have a job going forward and if I do, how long for, I have no savings, I have no car of my own, I live with my parents (Im 43), the courses I want to do will cost approx $8k and so on. However, just because things arent on my side doesnt mean that I cant achieve them, it just means I have to take a lot more steps to get there, which will make the achievement mean that much more. In truth, if I didnt get sick, wasnt stuck living at home with bugger all money and a whole heap of time on my hands and little clue how to utilise it effectively without causing my mental health and physical disabilities to diminish I probably would never have come to a point where I realised I had to start respecting and caring for myself and I would never have decided to start looking at making my own personal care products.

My primary focus is on making them for myself, at least in the immediate future however as I have made clear there is a fair bit of thought that Id like to move to selling... eventually. How that looks Im not sure, I have run a small business before and its not easy and I dont really love the idea of doing that again, I dont know that I could handle the stress of it again. That said, this would be different it would be selling a product, not a service. Though I do think I have a few ways to make it more servic-y. I want to make it more like a service than just a product because services make more repeatable sales. As much as I like the idea of making my own products, when it comes to the business side I like making the sale and keeping the customer, I like building a relationship with the customer.

The thing that is sticking in my head at the moment is a name. Even if the products are just for me, I need to have a name, even if its just for a project, I like things to have names.

Ive been playing around more today, I was skimming through Facebook and an ad came up for a college that does a Bachelor of Human Science (Naturopathy) and a Degree in Human Science. The Bachelor is a 4 year full time course (part time available) while the degree is 1 Year. Ive been looking at a course in Aromatherapy, an introductory course in Herbal Medicine and a course in Cosmetic Science. Im still pretty keen on the Aromatherapy course and the Cosmetic Science course but I think Im pretty interested in this Naturopathy course. This started with wanting to make my own personal care products but has grown and to be honest its grown to something thats making me a little nervous.

I have a job, though Im off on extended medical leave currently, in debt collection, in the bankruptcy area. Ive been in debt collection for over 15 years and with the company Im with for nearly 15 years. So, I am looking at a pretty huge career change. Im looking at studying again for the first time in near on 30 years and Im looking at doing all this at what would be the lowest point in my life. If I start down this road, Im looking at 4-6 years of fulltime study, Id be taking on an $80 odd HECS debt, plus an additional $7500 for the other two courses. All in a hope that I actually like the job and can handle it. But on the other side of it, Im not sure that I will handle going back to work in bankruptcy or similar. There are opportunities to help people but not many and there are a lot more sad stories than there are stories where I can do something to make it better for the customer. I think if I went into complimentary medicine I would hear a lot of sad stories, plenty I could relate to, but I think there would be a lot more opportunities for me to make a difference, for my knowledge and skills to help another human feel better, to be better, including myself.

I think, I would like to do the three courses, become a Naturopath as my base, my bread and butter as it were. Incorporate the Aromatherapy as a way to help my customers, while we explore more with the Naturopathy and use the Cosmetic Scientist to formulate different personal care products that aid in the natural healing and improvement of the body.

I will probably start the other way around though, do the Cosmetic Scientist first to dip my foot back into study and then I can formulate and sell products. Failing that I could do the Aromatherapy first and I could practice this for a while. I think it will be Cosmetic Scientist first but I suppose it depends on if I can get support through NDIS or not.

[tyme]

Hey @ClockFace ,

Thanks for the update. I can see that you are really doing your best to get on top of things. It's so great to hear you are looking into possible study, moving out, getting back on track with your health. All of these things are so important. 

I know it doesn't change your current situation, but sharing your strategies is so helpful to read. 

I just wanted to let you know that I've had to make edits to your post above to remove mention of any diet-related information including numbers, amounts, medicine names etc. so that your post could go live. This aligns with our SAFETY Guideline. https://saneforums.org/t5/help/faqpage/title/safety