Topic Tuesday // Living with BPD - your questions answered // 3 Oct. 7pm - 9pm AEST

[BPD-Cinderella]

How can a person be doing so well with their BPD and then, out of the blue, they’re on a downward spiral again?

How can anyone be doing so well with their life and then out of the blue have a downward spiral? More often than not our downward spiral is reactionary to things in our lives, and therefore our spiral is a response to an actual trigger.

So I think that it's not about someone doing well 'with' their BPD, but rather how well one does with the stressors in their life, and how well their coping mechanisms react to different situations.

Anyone can fall into a spiral, and I think it's important to see that it's because of a reason, rather than because of BPD exactly.

[Determined]

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@NikNik wrote:

For those who may have missed the question we are up to:

Is there a way to explain BPD without people getting confused, scared, or mixing it up with bipolar?

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I find this very dificult and usually tell people to google it and come back with any qusetions. With no intention of disrespect or making light of the situation. 

And we only ever tell those closest to us, everyone else just assumes it is post natal depression and we dont ever correct them. 

[Determined]

Is there a way to explain BPD without people getting confused, scared, or mixing it up with bipolar?

[Treve]

I feel like every human munipulates. When we go on a first date we deliberately select parts of our personality that we feel will entice another. In the workplace, in sales, in advertising - many human ineractions are munipulations.

For a long time I struggled with feeling worthy. So it felt as though anyone in a relationship with me must be munipulated carefully by me so that they would love me and not leave. This stems from a deep seated insecurity and anxiety about who you are, your identity, and your worth and value. 

I think it stems from problems seeing ourselves as worthy of love (as we are), without having to hide parts of ourselves, and enhance others (in a seeminly artificial way). But I think all humans experience this to some degree. But with BDP its more pronouced. It also then produces feelings of extreme loneliness and isolation even in relationships - never feeling like the other person truly knows or loves you for who you are as you are forever feeling like you are over-compensating for percieved undesirable aspects of your personality. Forever scared they will 'figure it out' and leave you have to foster a sense of co-dependancy (I have often self-harmed in scared rages) for this reason.

[Phoenix_Rising]

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How can a person be doing so well with their BPD and then, out of the blue, they’re on a downward spiral again?

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I'm afraid I've got no answer to this one either. It has always puzzled me when people talk about BPD being episodic. That is not my experience. However, in the past couple of years I have started to really question whether this is because my situation is complicated by the fact that I'm aspie. Whether BPD is episodic or not, I'm not sure, but I know for certain that I'm aspie 24/7 (even on weekends...and that's ok isn't it @NikNik).

[Sans911]

@NikNik last year I was doing quite well managing my BPD, depression & anxiety. This last 9 months has been hell. I think a big part of it was changing therapists, having a poorly set up professional support system and, unfortunately doing DBT without psychotherapy support. I just the skills group once a week, and this triggered a lot of past traumas and other events, which I had managed to bury for a long time. I had no professional support to deal with these past traumas, plus I had lots and lots of recent stressors, so I was completely overwhelmed. Thus kicked off my chronic SI, frequent SA, and a spiralling into severe depression. I've given up DBT for now, and waiting on a public psychologist (up to a 3month wait!) so currently supported by a very good GP & ATT (community mh outreach team)

[Treve]

"Is there a way to explain BPD without people getting confused, scared, or mixing it up with bipolar?"

BDP also has a weird name. Many suffers including myself often feel like "emotional disregulation disorder" is better. The words personality disorder also present struggles for people with BDP in relation to identity as well. 

[Former-Member]

@Shaz51

I have several different maladaptive coping strategies (SH is the main one, but also food issues, OCD-type behaviours, sometimes drinking) and for the main part, they are about control for me. Everything feels out of control and they help me feel slightly more in control.

For other people (and also for me in the past) these coping strategies can be used in order to feel something other than the intense emotional pain being felt, or in an attempt to dampen the intense emotional pain. Also to punish oneself. It’s different for everyone and there can be different reasons on different days, depending on what our brains are treating us to.

I hope that answers your question. If not, please let me know. 

[NikNik]

Hi @Treve - you just answered the last question  for the night.

How does the title 'boarderline personality disorder' sit with you? Would you call it something different or are you comfortable with it?

[Sans911]

I was also diagnosed with ADJUSTMENT DISORDER with EUPD traits, so I think adjustment disorder is sometimes an easier way of explain I'm not coping with life in general. When I first saw it, I was angry and didn't like it at all. But I think perhaps it's a gentler version of explaining BPD

[roachy]

Question 4: How can a person be doing so well with their BPD and then, out of the blue, they’re on a downward spiral again?

Everyone has different triggers and responses to particular situations, but it's not a case of waking up one day and being sad, or feeling down; rather, it's 'game face! game face!' until we can't put the facade up any longer.

For me, it's generally an accumulation of feelings that haven't been processed as quickly as they could/should be, and because I haven't learned how to do this, my coping mechanisms kick in to help, things like overeating, hitting the booze, and so on ('so on' code for 'The other, much more stressful traits'). These are still my automatic responses, albeit much more mild than in the past.

My wife notices the 'change', so to speak, and ask what's happened. I never really know how to answer this...still learning that part 😉